*Find the video version of this blog post at the bottom of the page*

Because I write a blog about sex, I tend to read a fair bit about it online. And every now and then I come across a piece of advice that makes my vagina cringe. Surely these people shouldn’t be in a position of sexual education? Either way, here is my attempt at reducing the damage. Because some advice hanging around the web is likely to damage your genitals.

1. ‘Try temperature play by putting your glass dildo in the microwave.’

Please never ever do this. I don’t even need to tell you that microwaves cause hot spots. Potential internal burn alert! Can you imagine cruising up to the emergency room with a burnt rectum? If you want to heat up a glass dildo, which is great when done safely, put it in a bowl of hot tap water.

2. ‘Put your glass dildo in the freezer to enjoy temperature play.’

Following on from the previous example, here is the other extreme. Also likely to result in damaged insides. This gem of advice is everywhere online! Freezing cold glass will literally stick to a warm, moist body. I dread to think how many people have ended up with a glass dildo stuck to their insides as a result of this terrible advice. Instead, put your glass dildo in the fridge or a bowl of ice water. Some people find storing their glass dildos in a cool place is enough for enjoyable temperature play.

3. ‘Tampons make great butt plugs.’

There is no world in which a tampon would make a great butt plug. Do you know what makes great butt plugs? Actual body safe, shop bought, butt plugs. I don’t know about you, but I’m not convinced I’d trust a piece of string to expel every tiny piece of cotton wool from my never regions. Vaginas and butts are very different things. Like a vagina has an end, the cervix. Your colon, however, well that keeps going. Even self-lubricating vaginas can be uncomfortable to remove tampons from without the slickness of blood and mucus. Can you imagine the discomfort of removing an absorbent object from an already dry anus?

 

4. Household Dildos

There is an array of household dildo ideas flooding the web. And none of them should be attempted. The problem with using things that aren’t sex toys is they aren’t actually made for genital insertion. Fruits, vegetables, hair brushes, hammers, they are all ideas found online and are all terrible. If you can find a household object that is smooth, non-porous, non-toxic, won’t break and is shaped like a dildo then maybe it would be safe to insert into a vagina. And you want to be sure it isn’t going to cause a suction. For anal pleasure, you also need said object to have a flared base. It seems like a lot of hassle, is likely impossible and when actual dildos can cost so little, totally unnecessary.

5. ‘Smother your genitals in whipped cream or chocolate syrup and let your partner lick it off.’

I mean sure, if it’s worth a yeast infection to you then you could try this. But most food near your genitals is likely to cause irritation at the least. Sugary foods like whipped cream or chocolate syrup are going to mess with your ph balance. And then it’s hello yeast infection. If you want to add flavour to your genitals, I recommend Sliquid Swirl.

Don’t feel discouraged. The majority of sex advice online is very good. And a lot of the bad advice is avoidable through common sense. If you’re not sure, check. There are always websites with the right info that will keep your sex life safe. Or drop me a comment down below!

If you liked this post then check out my post on my 2017 Top Ten Sex Toy Wishlist!

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