Each week I will be answering a question asked to me by one of my readers. If you have a question you would like me to answer then please contact me here and keep your eye out for my upcoming Q & A. This week a question that was asked was about having a low sex drive. The question was:
My partner has a much higher sex drive than me and I feel like I can’t satisfy him. It’s reaching a point where I’m considering letting him sleep with other women. Is there anything less drastic I can do?
This is a great question because I can assure you it is extremely rare for a couples sex drives to match completely. It’s much more common for one to have a higher sex drive than the other. Especially with factors like stress, medication and lack of sleep all contributing to a lower sex drive.
I think firstly you need to identify the cause of your lower sex drive. If it’s the same as it’s always been then that’s fine and you can skip this part. But, if it has decreased recently than identifying the cause will be half the battle done with.
Causes of a low sex drive in females include
⦁ New medication. I have a low libido due to SSRI’s or Antidepressants.
⦁ Psychological problems including depression, stress and anxiety.
⦁ Relationship problems.
⦁ Medical problems like anaemia and diabetes.
If your libido has decreased recently and you are unsure why I recommend visiting your GP so he can arrange the necessary tests for any medical causes.
Okay, the next thing I have to say is that just because your libido is lower does not make you responsible for the difference in your sex drives. If you are not comfortable with him sleeping with other women then do not give consent for it. It is likely to cause a lot more issues in your relationship than it solves.
I think the best thing to do is remember that this is a shared issue. Communicating with each other about it is really important. Hopefully, in discussing it, you can find a solution that suits both of you and you can stop worrying. Because worrying about your lack of libido is likely to make it worse.
So let’s say it’s not caused by any of the reasons I said above. The GP has given you the all clear. What now?
Well, here are some tips that I personally found extremely helpful when I was I suffered from a low sex drive
⦁ Shopping! Shopping is exciting, right? So what better way to get excited about sex than shopping for sex products?! Whether it’s a cock ring, lingerie, new lube or some massage oil. Get some bits that you’re genuinely excited to buy and more importantly, excited to try! Trust me, this worked wonders for me (a self-confessed shopping addict.) For your situation I recommend Lovehoney, it’s user-friendly, has 24hr live chat support and an amazing returns policy.
⦁ The pressure you are putting on yourself has got to go. I reached a stage of resenting my partner because of it. If you aren’t in the mood, that really is okay. No one is in the mood all of the time! You are conscious of it and are working on it and that is as much as he can expect of you.
⦁ Do other things to make him feel loved and desired. You don’t have to have sex for him to feel special, but it is important that you are making him feel that way still. Make him a special meal, give him a massage or just spank his bum and call him sexy. This is even more important if your loss of libido is a new thing as he will naturally be concerned it’s about your feelings towards him.
⦁ That being said, spend some time questioning your feelings. Are you still in love or are you just comfortable? Is he more of a friend than a lover? Sometimes a decrease in sex drive can be a warning that your feelings have changed.
⦁ Work on it alone as well as with your partner. Read erotica, write erotica, watch porn, masturbate. Remind yourself of the things you once loved about sex before you had a low sex drive.
⦁ Take time to look after yourself. Have a relaxing bubble bath, get a manicure, take a mini-vacation. De-stressing is going to help your overall health, which in turn will help your libido.
⦁ Lastly, exercise. Not only does exercise improve your physical fitness and increase blood flow it also releases feel-good endorphins.
SSRI’S still cause me an issue with having a low sex drive. So I really do understand how much it can affect a relationship and I hope my answer was able to help.
Please remember to contact me here if you have a question you would like me to answer in my weekly sexual inquiries.
If you liked this post then check out my post on my struggle with Sexual Anxiety!