Sometimes embarrassing things happen during sex. And the fact no one wants to talk about them makes them all the more embarrassing. But they happen to us all, I promise! So I wanted to write this post on embarrassing sex to let you know that it is totally okay, heck it’s normal, to have experienced any or all these things!
Queefing aka ‘The fanny fart’
This little gem of sound likes to occur when I get down in the doggy position. The first time it happened I thought I may die of shame. It tends to go something like this. He pulls out, I move, I queef. Sometimes multiple times. Like once isn’t enough.
But why does this have to happen to us?
Sometimes during sex air gets trapped in the vagina. This can be caused by fingers, toys, penises, whatever you’re putting in there can trap a bit of air in its path. Unfortunately for the fanny fart shy, the air has to get released again. And life isn’t good enough to us for it to come out in a silent puff of Chanel perfume.
Is there anything I can do to stop it?
Sure, you can stop having sex. But apart from that, nope. Fanny farts are a part of being sexually active and if your partner has previous experience they will know that too. Personally, I just include some background music and laugh it off. Laughter is my answer to any form of embarrassing sex and it hasn’t failed me yet.
Anal = poop
Not every time. But sometimes poop is going to get involved. It’s what the hole is actually for after all. Porn plays a huge role in unrealistic expectations of anal cleanliness. To be honest I wouldn’t watch it if it didn’t. But porn is fake and what we’re doing in the bedroom is real. And in real life, shit happens. It has happened to me countless times and every time I’m that little bit less ashamed. Your partner knows it’s a risk of anal sex and guess what? They want to do it anyway!
Fortunately, there are precautions with this one. If it is the only reason you aren’t open to trying anal then I recommend using these precautions. They will reduce the risk of any poo showing up to the party. Firstly, empty your bowels. You can use douches or enemas for extra internal cleanliness and peace of mind. Then shower. Job done.
Getting ‘Too’ Wet
Clearly this doesn’t happen to everyone. But we all know every vagina is different. Things like medications or menopause can effect a vaginas ability to self lubricate. Whereas for others, the flood gates open. And that is totally okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. What turns most people on more than anything is the knowledge their partner is aroused. And a soaking wet vagina is proof positive you’re in the moment and loving it. Do you know what else is seriously hot? Messy sex and shining wet skin. As with all messy sex though, clean up follows. This is where some vinyl sheets come in handy.
Guess what? Genitals don’t smell like roses. Now that misconception is over with lets continue. We all have a scent. Sometimes it’s stronger than other times. With things like our menstrual cycle effecting our pong. The ironic thing about it is that using stronger soaps are likely to make the situation worse. If it’s something you are uncomfortable with then I would pop to the loo with some feminine wipes before intercourse. But, it’s all part of the experience and it’s likely your partner loves your natural scent.
Cumming ‘too fast’
I’m not going to lie to you and say people don’t mind a hasty finish. I know a few women personally that do. I however, couldn’t care less. Want to know why they mind and I don’t? Their partner doesn’t finish them off after they’ve cum. There are so many ways to help your partner achieve orgasm without the use of your genitals. If you’re doing that there is nothing to be worried about. My last 3 sexual partners maxed out at 2 minutes. It’s totally normal and scientifically expected in hetero couples for the man to finish before the woman. Although you could check out my post on stamina here, for 8 ways to improve it!
Lack Of Erection
Sometimes our heads and our bodies are sexually out of sync. Which for anyone with a penis is unfortunately obvious. Even though the majority of us know it’s a fact of life we can still get a bit offended when our partner responds to our efforts with a floppy dick. It can be an embarrassing situation for both people involved. But it’s one that will occur in all our sex lives if penises are involved. There are numerous medical reasons that could be a factor. But there are also times when there is apparently no reason. The penis just doesn’t want to play.
You’re in the throes of passion as their head goes south. But the cheeky grin on their face turns to a look of horror as they reach your genitals. Oh god. Have they turned green? Is there a spider nestled in your labia? No. It’s a tiny piece of toilet roll clinging to your genitalia for dear life. Who hasn’t experienced the embarrassment of used tissue breaking the illusion our vaginas are solely for sexual purposes? Use feminine wipes before intercourse and you will never have this embarrassing sex problem again. Or accept you’re normal, it happens to everyone, and laugh it off. That’s what I do.
Can you think of any more embarrassing sex situations that nobody talks about? Let me know in the comments and help others realise they are not alone in their embarrassing sex traumas!
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