I have a sex toy review queue. Which means that no matter how much a sex toy is whispering in my ear to rip it out the box and thrust it towards my bits, it has to wait in line like everybody else. That is, except the Zumio. Which maintained its position in its packaging just about long enough for me to slam the door on the postman and run upstairs in an excited frenzy. The moment I first laid eyes on the Zumio on Twitter, I knew it was destined to one day be resting upon my clit. We are just made for each other. It’s fate. A 21st-century love story.
Fancy packaging means I have to throw out a box that really doesn’t deserve to be chucked in a recycling bin with the empty cereal boxes. A box like that of the Zumio deserves to be kept. To gather dust in a forgotten corner like the books that are too filthy for my bookcase. The thin outer card was gone and forgotten within 60 seconds, but the sturdy pristine white box inside… It’s just too pretty to part with. Inside this annoyingly luxurious box is the Zumio, charging dock, charging cable, storage pouch and instruction manual.
The Zumio is made using a combination of purple ABS plastic and body safe silicone. It is slim, it’s light and it is like no other sex toy I have ever seen. With 7 inches of length, it is both comfortable to hold and easy to reach that sweet spot. The entire structure is completely rigid, including the spirotip and its stem.
It all sounds pretty good, right? Well, guess what? It gets better. The Zumio is even waterproof. Baths and showers will never be the same again…
On top of all that good stuff, it even has a Travel Lock. Come on Zumio, now you’re just showing off.
The one negative thing I have heard people say about the Zumio is in regards to charging it. It takes a staggering 16 hours to reach a full charge. That’s kinda insane. What is good about this though, it that you get an amazing 4 hours of play. This is more than any other vibrator I know. So, you do get a decent amount of chugga for your charge. I also think it makes the Zumio the perfect toy to travel with if you don’t want to pack a charger too. If I took my Tango it would be dead after one night. The Zumio though, that would last all week.
Guess what’s coming to the Eroticon conference with me?
The Zumio has three buttons to control its 8 levels of intensity. The obvious on/off switch as well as the two buttons that look a whole lot like an infinity symbol. Which is clearly the best button design ever. At least, in regards to appearance. Navigating them without looking is a masturbation nightmare.
I’m saying vibrations throughout this post, but what the Zumio actually does is incredibly unique. The ‘spiroTIP’ moves around at speed in tiny circles. It feels like a vibrator, but this is probably what gives the Zumio its intensity. It is one of the rare innovative ideas in the sex toy industry that actually makes masturbation better. As opposed to the many innovative ideas that make masturbation awkward and/or annoying.
Whilst there are 8 vibration levels, they don’t cover a huge range of intensities. They kinda start from holy crap and work their way up to holy fuck! There doesn’t seem to be a level for anyone who likes a low vibration intensity. Which works fine for me, as I’m all about the power. But seems to ignore the many, many people who like to warm up to the ‘this vibrator’s gunna burn my clit off’ phase.
Now, let’s talk volume. This is not for the discretion conscious. It all seems reasonably quiet until the spirotip touches something. And then it sounds like a lawnmower on speed.
It’s fortunate I’m such a fan of precise pinpoint stimulation. As the tip of the Zumio isn’t a whole lot larger than that of a pin. It is so small, I could stick it up my nostril… If I, for some unknown reason, actually wanted to. Given its minuscule size, it’s quite mindblowing to experience the intensity of sensation it can unleash upon me. Don’t judge a book by its cover and don’t judge a sex toy by its size. There is more power in that spirotip than there is in every Clandestine Mimic vibrator, in the world, put together. Even lightly brushing the tip against my clitoral hood has me screaming ‘Yaba Daba Do!’
Given just how precise the Zumio is though, it is certainly not for everyone. If a broad magic wand is your go-to, then you might not be spellbound by the Zumio. However, I do find using it through a pair of knickers broadens the sensation. As well as adding comfort, if a small hard plastic object pressed against your bits starts to feel a bit yowza.
Whilst I don’t have a penis in my life to attempt using this during piv sex, I can’t help but feel sceptical about how it would perform. The idea of a hard object unrhythmically jamming into my clit just doesn’t really appeal to me. No matter how much said object vibrates.
For masturbation though, whether a partner is there or not, this sex toy is exceptional. The intense pleasure is immediate, the moment it touches my clit I’m singing. Within 2 minutes I’m having an orgasm as powerful as the vibrator that created it. Wave after vagina clenching wave of sexual bliss. And 2 minutes after that, I do it again.
If you’re a true lover of precise stimulation, you won’t find a toy like the Zumio. It is as good as it looks. Jam-packed with power, just waiting to unleash upon your sensitive spots. It is my new desert island must have. The toy I would choose if I could only have one. Be warned though, there is no warm up with the Zumio. It is toe-curlingly, eye wateringly intense. Even on its lowest setting.
You can try the exceptional power of the Zumio by purchasing it here for £134.99
Huge thanks to Zumio for sending me the Zumio in exchange for an honest review!
Affiliate links are used in this post.