Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples Review
I am a person with no dick in my life. I am completely and utterly cockless. You might say I am lacking in 50% of the anatomy required to use such a toy as the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples. Except, if you did say that, I’d have to drop my knickers and show you you’re wrong. I have a vagina and a vulva and to get the best out of this ‘couple’s toy’ that is really all I need. When I hear ‘couple’s toy’, I think hands-free toy. I think one free hand to hold the porn on my phone and the other to squeeze my boobs.
I am pretty certain, spank me if I’m wrong, that the Satisfyer toys are the cheapest of all the clitoral suction sex toys. So, whilst you might get a bargain of a clit suckage, you do miss out on fancy-pants packaging. The thin cardboard box has a plastic tray insert. Nestled in the plastic is your potential new best friend, a usb charging cable and an instruction manual. As with all potential BFF’s.
My personal opinion is, that the design of the Satisfyer Pro sex toys is a bit ugly. But, in comparison to the Pro Vibration, which resembles an ear thermometer, the 4 Couple’s is like Madonna a la 80’s. Full of style and sex appeal.
It is a combination of creamy white and rose gold. Soft, smooth silicone and ABS plastic. The external section is hard and rigid, whilst the internal point is slightly softer with plenty of flexibility.
The internal vibrator is almost the exact size as one of my fingers. So, if you want to use this for penis in vagina sex and aren’t sure whether it’ll fit, try to stick a finger in there with a cock and see how it feels. We’ve all watched enough porn to know that what one person can fit inside a vagina is not necessarily what we can all squeeze in there.
The clitoral suction hole has a soft but firm silicone rim. It has been perfectly comfortable during play, which is more than I can say about some of the earlier Satisfyer models. Uhh humm, Penguin. The hole is a perfect circle and the rim can be removed for clean up.
However, that may not be necessary as the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples Is. Actually. Waterproof. I have thoroughly tested it. It isn’t going to break if you have a wank in the bath. Uhh humm, Satisfyer 2.
As with most rechargeable sex toys, the Satisfyer Pro toys come with a usb cable that you can slot into an adapter, laptop, whatever. It magnetically clips to the outer hinge of the Pro 4 Couples and a full charge takes around 90 minutes, giving a glorious 70 minutes of play.
Unlike most suction clitoral toys, what makes the Satisfyer Pro range so special is the inclusion of vibrations. So, whilst the external arm performs something resembling intense oral on your outer regions, the internal arm buzzes against your vaginal walls. And your partner’s cock. Or, in my case, yet another vibrator.
Four buttons control these rather delicious functions.
- The on/off button for the clitoral suction.
- An increase button for when you’re after a harder suck.
- A decrease button for when you realise you took that hard sucking thing too far.
- A vibration button for the internal arm. So you can scroll through the 10 vibration patterns until you find the one that makes you go ‘Ayyyeeefghghee!’
The thing with these buttons is, they are practically impossible to press or navigate during play. Solo or otherwise, they are the unpleasurable kind of a pain in the ass.
The funny (although not actually funny) thing is, that the internal vibrations suck as much as the external part of the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples. They are buzzy and they are kinda weak. Although, if you’re an optimist you can take that as a positive. At least they’re somewhat quiet.
I’ve experimented quite a bit with the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples. On its own. With a dildo. And my favourite way of all, with yet another vibrator. Because you know, one thing vibrating inside my vagina is obviously not enough.
In fact, it seems the only way I haven’t experimented with this couple’s toy is the way in which it was designed for. With the inclusion of a nice firm penis.
Lube and my vagina are like chocolate and my mouth. If it’s going in, then 9 times out of 10 it’s covered in chocolate. Or in my vaginas case, lube. Probably shouldn’t get those two mixed up.
However, with the slim design of the internal arm, I was able to comfortably insert the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples lube free. Saves the pennies. Once settled on a comfortable suction intensity and a steady vibe, I clamped my legs shut and laid back to await my orgasm. Like the masturbatory Queen that I am.
Externally, the technology is the same as with other Satisfyer models. It’s an intensely pleasurable sensation that is as close to oral as a sex toy gets. Whilst at the same time, being absolutely nothing like it. They call it ‘air technology’, they very clearly mean suction.
As my clit gets a good suckage, the internal arm buzzes against my front vaginal wall. Not hitting my g spot, much to my absolute dismay. It certainly adds to the pleasure, but not in the way a classic vibrator would. It can’t be thrusted, it’s very small and the vibes, whilst apparent, are underwhelming.
With the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples working on my bits hands-free, I was able to explore areas so often neglected in masturbation. So, my tits. The pleasure seems to come in waves. One minute I’m throwing back my head and tensing up for release, the next I’m thinking about the weather. Though when my fashionably late orgasm does turn up to the party, it’s with an unimaginable intensity. My vaginal muscles clutching and releasing with a strength I didn’t know they had.
My orgasm is genuinely that good.
With a Dildo
In a cockless attempt to replicate ‘couple’s sex’ (rolls eyes at the implication that all couples have a penis and a vagina), I grabbed a squidgy silicone dildo and thrust it in after the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples. This time, lube was very much required. As was a warm up. And a rather heavy-handed shove.
The problem with using this for ‘sex’, or in my case, with a dildo, is that it requires you to have your legs open. And, more problematically, requires you to move. Neither of these things bodes well for the necessarily precise placement of the suction arm. Whilst I could hold the Satisfyer in place whilst bouncing on a silicone cock, I was unable to control the uncomfortable prodding of my vulva.
The only way I could get an orgasm out of this set up was to stop the bouncing, lay back, and hold the dildo completely still. It’s hardly the recipe for the fuck of your life.
With a Vibrator
This is definitely cheating. And whilst cheating is very very bad, in this case, it is very very good. A powerful patterned vibe internally, the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples against my clit, legs clamped shut and visions of naked people in my head. Orgasms, orgasms, oh so many orgasms.
In my opinion, there are two extremely pleasurable ways to use the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples and neither of them involves a penis. To me this isn’t a couple’s toy, it’s a hands-free toy. It’s an ‘I can get off whilst I’m Tweeting about ice cream’ toy. And that alone makes it my new favourite of the extensive Satisfyer selection. Even if it does have crappy buttons and mediocre vibes.
If you want to try the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples you can pick one up here for £79.99
Huge thanks to Satisfyer for sending me the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples in exchange for an honest review!
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