Feature photo for the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator Review. Image of hand with gold nails, holding the vibrator over a shiny silver background.

Review: Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator

Review: Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator

Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator Review

When I got down to testing this little bullet, it really hit my nostalgia buttons. Not because I have stuck a multitude of similar vibrators down my pants, which I have, but because it reminded me of my first ever bullet vibrator. The Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator took me back to the days when sex toys were an exciting novelty in my life. When they were a little bit cheeky and a whole lot of fun. Part of me envies the people who will have this as their first bullet, wrapped by a sexy someone with wonderfully mischievous intentions. But then I get over it, reach for something with more rumbling power and cheer myself up with an orgasm.

Packaging

Never one to shy away from stating the absolute in-your-face obvious, the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator is all about Christmas. From its perfectly festive cardboard sleeve to its very clear brand name. Something tells me this won’t still be on the shelves at Easter…

Image of the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator Packaging. A square red cardboard sleeve with merry Kissmas written on it in gold and a gold lipstick kiss image.
Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator Packaging

Design

Most budget-friendly vibrators are made using ABS plastic, which works very well for me. Nothing translates vibrations from motor-to-clit quite as well as this rockhard material. It also has the bonus of being extremely lightweight, so my hand doesn’t start to ache 5 minutes into my wankathon.

This little bullet has been designed with precise stimulation in mind. With a tapered tip, you can be very exact about where you want all the delicious buzzing to go. Clitoris? Perineum? Nipple? Anywhere that deserves a special treat this Christmas, and every single day after. My clitoris deserves a treat every day.

And gets one.

With a 4 inch length and 2.75 inch circumference, it’s not going to do much for a vagina and would most definitely get lost up a bum. Unless you want a sex toy stuck up your chimney, I’d keep this Christmas wonder away from your posterior passage.

If a steamy shower is your favourite way of warming up this winter, you’ll be pleased to know this golden bullet is completely waterproof. This also helps to tick easy-to-clean off your sex toy checklist. Anything that leaves more time for drinking Hot Chocolate and watching Bad Santa, gets my vote.

After you’ve screwed your way to a dead battery, you can unscrew the base and slot in a new AAA. Whilst I love rechargeability, battery-powered vibrators do come with the bonus of being repowered in an instant. Saving more time for my aforementioned cream and marshmallow covered beverages and crappy movies.

Image of the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator with base unscrewed and battery half inserted.
Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator – Inserting Battery

Functions

I’m always pleasantly surprised when a budget-friendly vibrator features multiple functions. The Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator has 10 to choose from, pleasing the inner workings of your panties whether you’re a fan of pulsing patterns or a steady buzz.

With one button to take you on a thrilling journey of vibration variability, this Kissmas vibe is easy to navigate without looking. For instance, if stuck between two hot and sticky bodies. Unfortunately, I’ve only yet experienced it being stuck between my hot and sticky body, and the duvet cover…

Close up image of the circular Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator Button on the base of the toy.
Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator Button

Vibrations

And this is where so many vibrators fall short for me. Including the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator. Whilst my clitoris enjoys enough juice in a motor to power a plane, this buzzer’s motor might struggle to power a can opener. It’s not the weakest vibrator I’ve had the misfortune of screwing, but it doesn’t exceed its budget-friendly expectations. I guess you get what you pay for.

In the land of sex toy motors, a lot of reviewers will talk about buzzing or rumbling vibrations. Whilst rumbles are the common favourite, it’s not unheard of for a person to prefer a bit of a buzz. In fact, most of us started our journey of passion-for-sex-toys with buzzing vibrators. I know I certainly did. Of course, what I’m leading to here is that this vibrator is one hell of a buzzer. Not a rumble in sight. If this vibrator was on the North pole, the rumbles would be on the South. It is as buzzy as ‘All I Want for Christmas’ is annoying.

I think you get the point.

Much like Mariah Carey in the-most-overplayed-Christmas-song-ever, this bullet really can hit a high note. It emits a high-pitched buzz that definitely requires some background noise for discretion.

Image of the gold Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator
Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator

Play Time

Unfortunately, whilst this might have rung my Jingle Bells many a Crimbo ago, it can’t compare to the vibrators my clitoris has become accustomed to now. I can press this against my clit as hard as the Roses toffees no one eats, I still won’t come. I can fill my mind with fantasies filthier than my kitchen after Christmas lunch, I still won’t climax. It’s not entirely the vibrator’s fault, it’s a little bit of my own. I’ve been blessed with vibrators so magical they make Santa’s sleigh look like the work of a muggle.

Of course, I’m being generous though. Mostly, it really is this vibrator’s fault.

It doesn’t have power and it doesn’t have rumble. In fact, it has so much buzz that if left on my bits for too long, it makes them numb. It’s like I went outside naked, made a snow angel, and now no longer have any feeling in my vulva. It’s really not what I’m aiming for when I whip out a sex toy.

Close up image of the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator's Tapered Tip.
Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator’s Tapered Tip

Conclusion

The Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator is not an upgrade to, well, anything. It is, however, a little bit of cheeky fun. It’s quite a good first toy if you just want to add something new and exciting to your sex life this Christmas. However, if you’re looking for a serious sex toy that will actually aid in orgasms, it might be worth digging a little deeper into Santa’s sack.

You can purchase the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator here for £9.09*

Want a cheeky play in public? Check out my review of the Fifty Shades Freed Love Egg

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*Price at time of posting. Usual price £12.99

Huge thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator in exchange for an honest review!

Affiliate links are used in this post

Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator

£12.99
Lovehoney Merry Kissmas Bullet Vibrator
6

Orgasm Rating

3.0 /10

Power

5.5 /10

Noise (1=loud)

6.0 /10

Quality

8.0 /10

Design

7.5 /10

Pros

  • Body Safe Materials
  • Cute Packaging
  • Vibration Variability

Cons

  • Buzzy Vibrations
  • Mediocre Power
  • Battery Operated

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