Lovehoney Lifelike Lover Ultra Realistic 7″ Dildo
What is a sex blogger to do when she gets an ultra-realistic dong in her hands? Suck on it, of course! Or maybe that’s just me? When I come face to face with anything close to the real penis deal, I can’t help but want to shove it down my throat. The Lovehoney Lifelike Lover Ultra Realistic 7″ Dildo got the best of my cock-sucking abilities and it was gooood. If I do say so myself. Of course, that lasted all of about 3 minutes before I very much needed it to fill another hole. And fill another hole it did. It filled me all the way to multiple leg-shaking orgasms. All was glorious until I soon discovered there was just one big problem…
With the budget-friendly price of this Lifelike dongalong, it’s no surprise there was little doe left for a posh box. The white cardboard packaging is simplistic and functional. We all know it’s the contents that matter anyway, right?
If only I could flip things around. And instead of making a dildo based on a cock, I could have a cock based on a dildo. Or, more specifically, this dildo. The Lovehoney Lifelike Lover Ultra is, to me, the ideal cock. The 7 inches of insertable length is generously filling without being excessive, and the 5.5inch circumference is girthy enough to fill without stretching – making thrusting an orgasm-inducing breeze. Especially when combined with the gentle upward curvature of the shaft, giving a tickle of pleasure to the g spot.
In regards to realism, this cock of perfection is pretty damn true-to-penis. With a wrinkling skin texture, blushing bulging head and raised veins. If hyperrealistic cocks give you the willies, you may want to fulfil your dildo needs with something a little less, dickish?
Oh, I do love a good, old-fashioned suctionable penis. What’s not to love about a dildo you can do doggy with in the shower? This Lovehoney Lifelike dong sticks to walls, doors and *uhhumm* toilet seats, with as much durability as a penis attached to a human. Except, this one doesn’t yelp in pain when I wiggle around at the weirdest of angles, or bounce too high and come crashing and crushing – down.
Sex Toy Material Warning
But, then we arrive at the big problem with this dong. It is not a body safe sex toy. The Lifelike Lover Ultra is actually made of PVC. Now, I’m not going to even pretend I know the ins and outs of sex toy materials, but as a sex toy reviewer, it’s my responsibility to at least know the basics. PVC can contain chemicals, such as phthalates or chlorine, used to increase the flexibility of the toy. This is a flexible toy. Lovehoney does, however, stipulate on the product page that this dildo does not contain phthalates. There is no way to know what chemicals it does contain though. On top of this, PVC is a porous material. This means bacteria can seep into its pores and the toy can never be cleaned efficiently.
I guess now we know why it’s so budget-friendly, right?
I need to hold up my hands. I’ve fucked up. I chose to review the Lovehoney Lifelike Ultra Dildo, without checking what it was made of. When I saw it, I knew it was questionable but until now, I’ve only reviewed body safe sex toys. The fact I might have chosen a toy that was, in fact, not body safe, didn’t seem plausible. I’m usually so careful.
So, unbeknownst to its PVC makeup, I fell in love with this dildo.
It’s incredibly frustrating, to fall so madly in love with a sex toy, only to then discover it is a bacteria harbouring chemical crapheap. Dammit, Lovehoney.
With the right clitoral vibrator, my orgasms would come in continuous waves. One after the other, after another, and another. The curve so deliciously angled towards my g spot, the bulging head kissing it with just the right pressure to squidge ratio. The girth was so filling, with just the right size and squish to make thrusting a comfortable pleasure. The soft veins adding the perfect amount of texture, without there being any harshness. Quite simply, my horny heart has been broken.
I loved it in doggy style. I adored it in cowgirl and I lapped it up in missionary. I’d look forward to sucking it. Fucking it. Bucking on it.
I am genuinely completely gutted.
I’d be lying if I said this isn’t one of the most pleasurable dildos I’ve used. Its shape, its texture, its design and its size resemble the realism of a good cock both aesthetically and sexually. It is the perfect accompaniment to my penis present fantasies.
Regardless of how much I absolutely adore the Lovehoney Lifelike Ultra 7″ Dildo though, I can not as a respectable sex blogger, recommend it. No matter how ridongulously good a dildo is, it is never worth taking risks with your health. Now realising it is made of PVC, I will be packing it up and hunting for a vagina happy alternative.
The Lovehoney Lifelike Lover Ultra Realistic 7″ Dildo is available here for £22.99
Huge thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover Ultra Realistic 7″ Dildo in exchange for an honest review!
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