Lovehoney Chocolate Orange Flavoured Lubricant Review
It may not be true for everyone, but when I’m getting down and dirty with a partner, it generally involves some form of oral pleasure. Whether it’s my tongue, their tongue, or our tongues, there is usually some serious licking involved. In addition to practically guaranteed oral workouts (I love a bedtime blowjob), my partnered sex sessions always involve lube. It’s wet, it’s slippery and it’s shiny. And wet, slippery, shiny sex is, naturally, my favourite kind. The Lovehoney Chocolate Orange Flavoured Lubricant adds even more good stuff to the mix – a festive flavour and Noel for my nostrils.
Plus chocolate. And everything is better with chocolate.
So, is it Made of Chocolates & Oranges?
I wish! But, really, that would probably be the unsexy kind of a hot mess. Good tidings I bring though, as this vegan-friendly slippery stuff contains no parabens, aspartame or glycerin. Hallelujah!
I think of chocolate orange as a festive flavour I eat all year round. Like gingerbread men and my Grandma’s Christmas pudding, when she finally gives me the recipe. And turkey and stuffing and chestnuts and peppermints and cinnabons and… I appear to be drooling…
I should probably get back to the sex blogging. Does the Lovehoney Chocolate Orange Flavoured Lubricant actually taste like Terry’s? Well, no. But it comes impressively (and, if I’m honest, surprisingly), damn close. It is genuinely a pleasure to lap up, on top of the pleasure that lapping at genitals already is. That’s double the lapping pleasure.
Let’s face it, flavoured lubes often taste like crap. They have this weird artificial twang that has actually, in the past, succeeded in putting me off cock suckage. I know, I was as shocked as you are. This chocolate orange lubricant really doesn’t have that ‘get your bits away from my tongue’ disgusting taste. The only flavours there are is chocolate and orange. And a small background hint of genitals, when used on genitals rather than ice cream.
Don’t put it on ice cream.
No matter how delicious a lubricant, I kind of rely on it making things frictionless too. It can taste like my Grandma’s Christmas pudding, but if it doesn’t make a cock slide inside me like it’s dancing on ice, it’s as useful as a stocking full of coal.
I know I need to stop the Christmas references, but I’m also not gonna… #notsorry
So, back to whether or not Santa will get stuck up your chimney. That depends on how often you top up his cock with this water-based lube. It’s slippery good for about 5 minutes before any vaginas, bums, vulvas or chimneys start to become a bit dry. There is no stickiness to contend with, but it’s definitely not a long-lasting lubricant. Especially when drizzled on a cock, as it lasts about 2 seconds before my chocolate-loving tongue decides to suck it off. You may last 5 seconds.
As boring as a discussion of bottle design may seem, it can actually make a huge difference in my experience of a lubricant. Is it safe to travel with? Will I know when it’s running out? Can I drizzle it over sexy things one-handed? In answer to the questions – No. Yes. And everyone else in the world could but I’d probably manage to get it on the ceiling.
The cap of this lube can be screwed off for heavy dowsing of chocolate orangeness, or it can be used as a push cap for more measured doses of yum. You could travel with it, but you could also end up with a bag that smells like Cadbury’s at Christmas. The clear bottle is covered by a simplistic label which, whilst hardly eye-catching, is more functional. I know when I need to restock and patiently enjoy some cock-tasting cock.
The Lovehoney Chocolate Orange Flavoured Lubricant is, quite simply, delicious. It would go great in a stocking, but honestly, I’d happily lick this off a penis in May. On the beach. Off a lifeguard. It’s just a yummy lube. It smells as good as it tastes and it is slippery enough to make the taste worth it. I might not be about to give up my Terry’s choccy, but I’m more than happy to make room for both!
You can purchase the Lovehoney Chocolate Orange Flavoured Lubricant here for £7.99
Looking for a Christmas Ding Dong? Check out my review of the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover Luxe.
Huge thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Lovehoney Chocolate Orange Flavoured Lubricant in exchange for an honest review!
Affiliate links are used in this post